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Santa’s Pipe Dream

By Peter Maddocks

It was December the twenty fourth, Christmas Eve, in a snow covered cottage in the far north.  It was snowing hard, and although it was only six o'clock in the evening, it was very dark.

Tucked up warm in front of a splendid log fire sat Santa Claus, smoking his favourite pipe, a chubby meerschaum, with a short fat stem and a tobacco stained bowl shaped like a tree trunk.  Every now and then, he would lean forward and pick up a poker to jab at the logs in the fire place, sending sparks flying in every direction.

“You'll set fire to your beard one of these days, if you don't put that poker down.”  Said Mrs. Claus from the direction of the kitchen.  “And do you realise what date it is today?  Isn't it time you started getting yourself ready for your long journey?”

Santa sat back in his chair and took a long puff at his pipe.  “Don't you worry your wise old head, my dear.”  He said blowing clouds of smoke into the air.  “All the toys are bagged up and ready to go.  I'm just enjoying a pipe of tobacco before I go out to feed the reindeer...  By jingle bells!  That cooking of yours smells good!”  Said Santa, wafting the pipe smoke away from his nose.

“I don't know how you can taste my cooking, after puffing at that filthy old pipe!” said Mrs. Claus from the kitchen.  “It can't be doing you any good, breathing down that smelly old smoke into your lungs, you should know better at your age, and you should set a good example to all those children you visit and give it up!”  

Santa's Pipe Dream

is available from December 1st at a special offer price for the whole month of December!  

.77p in the UK and .99c in the US!

The prices might even have come down before this page is finished!